My Riffs

"...innovation is saying 'no' to 1,000 things." So much to do, so little time. Resources are limited. What we say no to, is almost more important than what we say yes to. Saying no to things that are a waste of time, allow us to pursue the proper yeses, with excellence. Without saying no, we will be fruitlessly chasing all the yeses. And never accomplish anything great. Don't be intimidated to say no. It allows you to make your yeses all the much more important and fruitful.

Your lens is your filter that you see the world through. If we're seeing everybody as bad, evil, untrustworthy, etc... Maybe our lens needs to be cleaned or changed.

This is a departure from the usual content here. And I by no means feel qualified to give marriage and dating advice. Here’s just one thing that most people lose site of in dating: We fall in love with someone but forget that we’re marrying more than just the person we’re in love with at that moment. We’re also marrying their past, their family, their habits, their health, their future and etc. So take that into account. You’re marrying a whole lot more than just this moment of love you’re in.

I’ve seen people become shells of who they were. Sometimes I think it’s unavoidable. Sometimes tragedy strikes and leaves someone battered and barely alive, in more ways than one. And that person becomes just a shell of who they were. Other times I’ve seen people stake their whole identity on a single thing and have that thing taken away. Then they become just a shell of who they were. This type of becoming a shell is avoidable. We shouldn’t stake our entire identity on one single thing. Often you will see someone bank their identity on a skill or possession. But when that skill is no longer needed or if they lose that possession, they lose their identity with it. But if we make our identity much deeper than a single skill or possession, we can protect against becoming irrelevant and a shell of our former self. The extra benefit is we become a more well rounded individual, capable of much more and a deeper person than before.

As many of my posts point to, this is about balance. Learning when to hold on and when to let go is a very important lesson in life. We usually hold the wrong things and sometimes let go of the wrong things. People who learn to master this skill have a much better quality life than those who don’t.

Two possible responses to life and circumstances that come at us. Two responses, one letter difference, but completely different outcomes. We HAVE to choose to get better, not bitter. Life throws things we don't like, and bitter is the easy way to handle it in the immediate, but the hard way in the long run.

You told them, right? So you're all good, you've communicated.  Well hold on...  Communication has only happened if they understood what you said. It's in the hands of the speaker to deliver the message to the recipient. (yes, some obtuse people refuse to receive the message). So, you told them. You checked that they understood. Now you've communicated. Unreceived messages aren't communication.

When I think about teaching, I immediately think of a teacher and a whiteboard or chalkboard even. I picture that teacher explaining some foreign concept to hungry pupils.  As a parent though, teaching looks much much different. And I think the vast majority of teaching looks different. We want to teach through wise words and examples. And I cannot overemphasize how importantt our words are. Words can kill or bring to life, they’re so important.  But I think we end up teaching (or learning) through observing actions rather moreso than listening to spoken words.  I think we remember more of what someone did, than what someone said.  We disregard what someone says when their actions don’t match their words. Which means we place more emphasis on actions.  So parents and leaders are teaching more simply by how they act out in the world, then by what they say. We need to make sure our actions match our words. And we need to make sure that we confes...

There's a principle that something has to die in order for something else to live. I'm sure the principle isn't perfectly demonstrated in every single instance of life... but maybe it is. I'm sure someone a lot smarter than me has thought that through. But there is a lot of truth in the principle, and especially when it comes to getting better personally or even in groups or teams. In order to go somewhere new, or learn something new, or be better in one area, we very often have to let something go (or die). Wanting to get in shape, we have to let that free time, or bad diet die. Wanting to learn a new skill, there also will be free time that you will have to let go of. This contrast can go on and on, for almost everything. You're not truly willing to go somewhere new until you're willing to let go of where you are. Let some things die, so you can live.

Self can be a disease. An absolutely horrible, crippling disease. We can become so wrapped up in ourselves that we have no ability to functions. We're literally wrapped in a straight jacket of self. Self-care, self-awareness, self-improvement? Yes, yes and yes! But we have to be extremely careful they don't become self-centredness, self-hyper-awareness and self-involved. Self is something that needs to be tended to, because like a weed it will grow and overtake us. It can entangle us and cause us to be just a shell of what we're supposed to be.

Be liberal in giving. Be conservative in taking. Be liberal in giving praise. Be conservative in taking praise in. Be liberal in love. Be liberal in grace. Be liberal in patience. Be conservative in anything that doesn't build someone else up.

Here’s a simple formula for life: 1. Figure out your why. Then never let that change. 2. Figure out how. And constantly keep that changing.

You can’t expect change doing the following: - what you’ve previously been doing - by doing nothing Change only comes through change agents. What are change agents? - people - ideas - systems & processes The best way to effect change is through good communication. You can expect change without the actions described above.

For some reason we always need a bad guy. We like to point the finger at someone or something and say, that’s the bad guy. At least it’s a tendency I fight. It’s like we need to villify someone in order to make ourselves the good guy. We can spend our life finding everybody’s “gotcha”. Cause everybody has a “gotcha”. That one (or more) thing that they aren’t good at, or maybe need improvement on or have messed up in. But is that anyway to live? Is that any way to look at people? What if we reversed it and looked for everybody’s “gotcha” opposite? That one special characteristic and quality that sets them apart from everybody else. There doesn’t need to be a villain. Let’s build each other up. There’s enough bad in the world that we don’t need to search out villains.

It’s something we often learn a bit later in our life, after we make the mistake. And that mistake is breaking trust. When we have someone’s trust, one of the worst things we can do is break that. Trust is one of the most valuable things we can possess. And when we break that, we do major damage. To the trust/person we broke it with as well as internal damage. Breaking a trust means doing damage to ourselves and subsequently to all the other relationships connected to us. So breaking one trust means, breaking a bunch of trusts. When trusted with something, handle it with extreme care. You may break a lot more than you can fix.

There's nothing worse than seeing someone force something that just doesn't work. Or just shouldn't be. This seems to happen when we "take matters into our own hands", but really we shouldn't be. I believe in owning things, but the key is owning things under our control. Taking things out of our control, and trying to take them under our control is one of the biggest wastes of time. So yes, be in control and ownership. But don't try control things that are our of your hands.

Everybody has a pretty interesting story. And if we can get to know someone's story, we will understand them a whole lot better. So try and know someone's story. You will likely learn something or some things. It's people's stories that make them who they are. It's their stories that make them interesting. It never ceases to amaze me the things I find out about people. So many people have been though things that I could not have imagined. There is much more bravery and strength out there than we realize. In that, there's much brokenness and hurt. Listening to someone's story is one way we can show them love.

We're all just figuring this thing called life out. Nobody has all the answers, or everything figured out. Experts in any given subject matter are/should be still learning. We never come to know everything. So be careful in trusting experts. But we cannot discount experts either. The point of this is to extend grace to everyone . We're all on a journey, we're all in different places. We all have different backgrounds and thus different perspectives. Nobody is 100% right. Again, this isn't a call to not trust people, but rather a call to extend grace to people. People who are just like us, on a journey, but maybe in a bit different space.

I can't think of anything more important than love, with the exception of truth. These two things are of absolute importance. And they are very closely related, and can't properly work without the other. Love without truth is ineffective. Truth without love is ineffective. Anything done without truth is destructive though. The absence of truth means at some point corruption, decay and eventually collapse will occur. Truth is like a frame or structure of a building. Without it, you cannot build anything. Truth provides frame, it corrects, it straightens and it prevents corruption.

Mistakes are generally seen as a bad thing. What makes them bad though is leaving them simply as a mistake. What makes them good though is turning them into a lesson learned. A mistake that turns into a lesson learned isn't a waste. Mistakes can be valuable teaching tools. We need to remember that as people who make mistakes. We also need to remember that as teachers. If we help those under our care to learn lessons from their mistakes, we are helping them. If we handle mistakes wrong, they are simply a negative experience. We can turn them into a positive experience by making them a lesson learned though.

You need both. You need heart people and you need head people. You need conservatives and you need liberals. The problems occur when we demonize the group that is opposite of us. We may not be able to relate to someone else, but we should be able to respect them and realize their importance.

The more you give to someone doesn't always mean the more they will appreciate or make use of it. So be careful that when you are giving, the person or cause will benefit from what you're giving. There are plenty of other needs if your giving will be wasted. There are takers who seem to appreciate things less, the more you give. Always give, but take be cautious what you're giving too.

Most of my assessments (borderline judgements :) are completely based on me. We see things from where we are, rarely putting ourselves into other people's shoes. So we make assessments about other people and situations, solely based on our perspective. But it would be a different story if we at least attempted to put ourselves into a place to share their perspective. We would likely be a whole lot more patient when we tried to put ourselves into their position.

One of the simplest and best life hacks s to simply be grateful. This simple thing has literally helped people overcome physical and mental illness. This simple thing can transform our whole outlook on life. Today in thanksgiving day in Canada. It’s a good time to take stock of alll the good things we’re grateful for, and thereby be healthier and happier.

The possible destinations for our future depend on there people. We can't get where we want to go without help. Yes, I fully believe we are in charge of our future, and our future is up to ourselves. But getting there will be made possible or impossible based on the relationships and partnerships we have. Who we decide to link up with has a massive bearing on where  we end up. So once you get a goal in mind, make sure you surround yourself with those who will help you get there.

You know those kind of people who always leave you feeling better? Whether it be about yourself or about a situation? Strive to be that person. Those are the type of people we want to be around. The kind of people we want to spend time with. We can accomplish this by guarding what we speak. To only speak of things in a positive and encouraging manner. Even when discussing something that may be unpleasant, it can always be finished in a positive and encouraging manner.

“I don’t know”... these can sometimes be the most refreshing words to hear. All it takes is being around a know it all to appreciate someone who doesn’t know it all. Don’t feel pressured to know it all. Because once you know it all, you have nothing more to learn. And once you have nothing to learn, there’s no need to listen. And people don’t overly enjoy spending lots of time with someone who doesn’t listen.

The saying goes "people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care"... Or something along those lines. Before imparting some knowledge/wisdom, it's best to understand that person, so you can show care for them. To learn their background, to learn why they've come to their conclusions, or why they're broken, etc. Once you know that person, you can truly care and then use your knowledge to help them.

I think a better test of relationship is how well you can disagree. It's easy to get along when you agree, but how do you handle disagreement? That's the better test of relationship.

Learning what to hold and what to let go is one of lives greatest lessons to learn. If we're not careful, every little thing can stick to us and we end up holding it. Every political disagreement, every perceived slight, every jealousy, miscommunication, and on the list goes. This get's VERY heavy. I know it from experience. Learning what to let go of is one of the most important lessons I'm learning. I can't carry every issue, problem or inequity I come across. When I let other people's problems become my own, I end up with a burden I can't manage. By no means am I suggesting being calloused and uncaring either. I am speaking about carrying weights and things that just don't really matter. Other people matter very much. Just make sure you carry them in things that really matter. Don't take weights from others that are worthwhile. Don't take weights on from yourself that just don't matter. Learn what to hold and what to let go.

When we reach a goal or milestone, it's easy to pause and rest on that success. But it's amazing how fast we get behind when we sit on a success. Just use success to propel you forward to another one, don't pause too long on the success.