My Riffs

Disclaimer: all below require context and balance, obviously. Words we use too much: -Me  - I - I think - I can't do... - I won't do... - I want - I need Words we do not use enough: - You - Thank you - I am sorry - I appreciate _____ - What do you think? - How are you? (and actually listening to the answer). - I can... - How can I help... The words on the bottom often lead to happiness. The words on the top often lead to disappointment.

This a more somber post, but an interesting thought that hit me. You cannot add one moment of time to your life, no matter what you do.  There are things you can do to not shorten your life, but nothing you can do to truly lengthen it.  Activities like exercise and eating healthy may help your life not be shortened due to sickness or disease, but the way I see it, they do not actually add any length to your life.  Avoiding dangerous situations and sports may prevent you from shortening your lifespan, but do nothing to actually lengthen it.  Our lifespans are much out of our control.  The lesson for me is to enjoy every single day I am alive, and to not waste time.  Healthy people can die young and unhealthy people can die old.  Every day is a gift to use to the fullest. There is no time to waste. Live intentionally and fully.  There is no time for: pettiness, anger, hatred, waste, fighting, bitterness... Use you...

Friends will affect you profoundly and effect your final outcome. "Your income will be the average of the five people you spend the most time with" - Jim Rohn Who you spend time with is super critical. Choose wisely. Choosing friends is part of choosing your destination and outcome.

Life seems to have a way of stealing our joy. Babies will smile and laugh for the smallest, most simple things. Kids will smile and laugh over small things. Adults often will laugh at others expense, or not laugh and smile at all. Do adults have fewer reasons to be happy? Why does life take so many people's joy? Yes, life throws some unexpected and bad things at you. But you do not have to relinquish your joy through it. Giving up your joy is throwing away unnecessarily one of your most powerful tools to combat the unpleasant things that happen. Whoever said, "laughter is the best medicine" understood this. :-)

I have learned this from experience. If you're finding a large number of people and situations irritating, chances are the problem is with you. Not the others. 

Every day when you get up, you can: 1. Choose to find problems that day or 2. Choose to find the good Sometimes problems hunt you down, granted. You still can choose to find the good. Some people spend all their time finding the negative and problems. Successful people do not deny the problems, but neither do they focus on them. I am trying to learn to focus on the positive every day.

It hurts to grow sometimes. It hurts to become, to be "formed". If you watch a potter make a vessel, it takes a lot of kneading out of bumps and then pressure to form the shape they want. Then once the vessel is formed, it is"fired" in a kiln at temperatures between 1800F - 2400F. Similarly, to become what we need to be, there will be much discomfort and sometimes pain. It will feel like going through a fire at times. But the end result is a vessel capable of being trusted and used with valuable responsibilities. Do not fight the growing pains. Know they are stretching and forming you into what you need to be. Shirking the process will have an end result of a flawed vessel.

The things that you love the most can eventually be something that destroys you or your loved ones. And we're not talking about bad things at all, it can be good things that end up destroying you. Hobbies, passions, work, friendships, relationships and other interests can be what eventually destroy you. The reason being, they can throw your life balance off. We are a finite resource. Whatever you occupy yourself with comes at a cost. The cost being, what you're NOT occupying yourself with. Too much of a good thing isn't always good. Investing in a hobby or job too much costs relationship and personal development. Too much time with one friendship and relationship costs you other friendships and relationships and thus growth. On and on this list could go. And it is different for every individual. The lesson I think is, in pursuing passions and other pursuits and endeavours, maintain a healthy life balance. Invest time in other things besides the passion.

I struggle every day... So much is jumping up and grabbing my attention all day long... It gets difficult to determine what the important tasks are every day. We could be busy all day and not do anything really important.  Often the most important things are NOT the ones jumping up to get your attention. For me it is talking to my loved ones. Spending time in personal learning and growth. Telling someone they are important...

Embrace hard tasks. I stole this posts' title from the book of the same title. Hard and challenging tasks are generally the more rewarding and valuable. Easy tasks usually don't carry the same weight. Shortcuts generally compromise the end result. Think spray tans. Cheating on tests. Etc. The hard tasks are the character development ones. The quality work ones. The building ones. Easier in this context isn't better. Easier is the lazy choice and the worse one. Choose the hard tasks for best end results.

This is a leadership lesson from the wise Andrew Bentley.

Oftentimes the obvious and immediate problem is not the real problem. To get to the real problem, you have to dig a little deeper. Most problems consist of two parts 1) the surface, visible problem and 2) the real issue below the surface. An earthquake is the obvious problem, but the real problem lays well below the surface. This is a great metaphor to most of our problems. Try looking beyond the obvious problem and figure out what the real one is, below the surface. That is the problem to be solved. Until the deeper problem is solved, you will continue having surface issues. Remediating the surface problem is only a band-aid at best. It will keep popping up again and again. You will be continually putting out fires on the surface until the root problem is addressed and fixed.

People older than 35, this is for you :) This is my best take on understanding Millennials, the demographic of people born after 1980 and before 2000. I'm a borderline Millennial myself, barely slipping into this group :) I do not claim to fully understand Millennials, these are just my thoughts and understanding of this generation. Hopefully it helps in some way. The one major differentiator for this generation is, they have grown up in a completely digital world. They have never really known a world without internet, computers, cell phones and etc. This digital world has given them unparalleled access to information and this has become the norm for them. Here are a few highlights of what I see from Millennials (focusing on the positive traits): - Millennials care. You see many millennial caring about social issues and about others. They are aware that they are privileged and want to share and help other less fortunate people. They care about the well being of others. -...

About the future. Because I choose to be. Despite questions, uncertainties and my negative human nature. Optimism, like happiness, is a choice. It's not usually the default feeling, but it is still available as a choice. I am choosing optimism today and hopefully every day.

I have recently been saddened by some events in a extremely popular Christian artists personal life. His music is the best. The messages in his music are still true and touching. But having knowledge of these recent events, I feel different listening to his music now. It's not quite the same. The message is the same, but the source has changed, and therefore the music is not the same to me. The message matters in this case, but the message is now changed due to a change in the source. The source matters. Leaders, your integrity is so very critical. Do not ever compromise it, no matter what. You can damage the previous good you have done and you can damage good people by compromising your integrity.

Going in circles can possibly give one the illusion they are moving and progressing. This is a trap though. Going in circles only digs deeper ruts and makes it harder to stop the circles. If you keep bumping up against the same issues time and time again, maybe a new route is in order. Try a new angle, approach or method. It may be enough to push you from the ruts.

Generally, if you want something to happen, you have to make it happen yourself. At least to initiate, or cast the vision. And often to oversee it to completion. You cannot sit back and expect something (good, positive, beneficial or productive) to happen. You have to make it happen. It takes initiation, action and usually follow through to end. Doing nothing and expecting something could be considered dishonest or borderline insanity. If you want something, go get it. If you want something to happen, make it happen. You cannot sit back and expect something (good) to come to you. Leaving things in the natural state means they will end up broken. Decay and erosion are a law of nature. Generally sitting back and waiting for something good to come to you will end up with the opposite result. Make no mistake, doing nothing is a decision and an action in itself though. With consequences.

So much of our existence is spent looking down. Looking at devices, computers, the ground as we walk... Look up. Take a second and look up and around. Chances are those are the more important things.

Today is Friday the 13th, a day that is known as an unlucky day to the superstitious... That got me thinking about luck and fortune though... And my conclusion is, I do not really believe in luck. Or really even fortune. Good things occasionally/frequently happen to bad people and bad things occasionally/frequently happen to good people. But taking good and bad things in aggregate, I think the amount of good and bad things that happen to people eventually even themselves out. What does make people appear to be "lucky" or "fortunate" is reaping what you have sown over years and years of time. Keep sowing good, and eventually the returns will be good and you may be called "lucky" or "fortunate". But luck or fortune really has little to do with long-term positive results. Long-term positive results are tied to repetitive sowing of good, despite good and bad day-to-day circumstances. A common theme of this blog has been, do the right thing, a...

So often new is difficult. New job, new system, new manager, new chapter in life... We do not do so well with facing the unknown. I think we need to become comfortable with unanswered questions and being patient with unknowns. It is safe to say, these types of things generally work out okay. Fear and anxiety is a natural response to the unknown, but they are not overly productive emotions. Maybe we should embrace the new and embrace not having all the answers. It would make for a lower stress level. Embracing new means embracing adventure and learning. It's not such a bad thing.

I have very recently had my tiny mind blown... In reading some studies and then hearing a CBC radio program about Gratitude. In the CBC program about Gratitude, a paralyzed man walked within 6 weeks of being paralyzed, because of Gratitude and attitude. Listen to his story here.  It is worth 6 minutes of your day to hear this :) Neuroplasticity is an absolutely fascinating developing medical area, and one I think everyone should research and be aware of. The fact that we can change our brains it absolutely amazing and utterly profound. It has now become scientific fact, that simple gratitude (attitude) can change our mind and our healthy, and ultimately our world. What is sad is that being grateful has become so difficult. We find reasons to complain and be ungrateful constantly. Must we lose what we have in order to become grateful? If you can read this post, chances are you are amongst the richest people in the entire world. Yet we find ways to be ungrateful. This is ...

What if today, you listened and that's it. You listened and tried to understand what is being said. What if that was the main goal of today's conversations? To simply understand. I think the main exercise in most conversations, for most people including me, is to think of appropriate responses. So we end up thinking about what we will say next and are no longer actively listening. And our understanding of what is being said to us suffers. Try listening to understand, not to respond, and see what happens.

Today's post is directly from Seth Godin's Blog. So many people are stuck on the what and where, but more importantly should be focusing on the how. Read Seth's post below, here is the link to the original post:  http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2016/05/calling-your-finding.html "Many people are trying to find their calling. But that doesn't explain Marianne Money, bank manager, or Jim Kardwell, who owns a card company. Or Thomas Duck who started Ugly Duckling rent-a-car and Tito Beveridge who makes vodka. It doesn't explain why people named Dennis are more likely to become dentists... I'm not sure that  anyone  has a calling. I think, instead, our culture creates situations where passionate people find a place where they can make an impact. When what you do is something that you make important, it doesn't matter so much what you do. It's not that important  where . It matters a lot  how . With passion and care."

Cooking and baking is something I am not good at. But I know to prepare a good meal, timing is everything. Cook something a minute or two too short and it could be non-edible. Cook something a bit too long and it could be burnt and again non-edible. Speeches, monologues and conversations all require perfect timing for most effective delivery. Products going to market have failed, not because they were a bad product, just that their timing was wrong and the market wasn't ready. To steal a lyric from a song, know when to hold em and know when to fold em. Making a move or change before it is time could end up being catastrophic. Taking something to market prematurely can end in failure. Make sure the audience is ready, make sure the disruption is productive not destructive. Make sure the timing is not rash. Timing is everything. (I know, I have already made a post titled "attitude is everything")

You can learn lessons from those younger, less educated and from those whom you wouldn't typically look to for leadership. Don't pass up an opportunity to learn something due to pride.

I think anger is the least of all emotions and the most misused and abused. There is a place and need for anger, but it is easily an emotion misused and abused. It has to be handled with extreme caution. Liken it to handling an extremely flammable product in your hands. It doesn't take much for the emotion to get out of hand. The ramifications of anger are almost always more than what was intended. It is hard to control and often things get said and done that can cause unintended damage. How many times after an outburst of anger do we owe the other party an apology? I would say most times. That shows that the emotion is generally not warranted. The occasions where anger are warranted are so few and far between, it is best to shelf the emotion, and shelf it as far back as possible. Annoyances are not a valid reason to bring it out. Anger often exposes our weaknesses. Learn how to keep anger shelved during most annoyances and you will become stronger. Anger is the least p...

The mind is the most important part of our body. This being the case, taking care of the mind is of absolute critical importance. How much do we pay attention to mental health? Probably not near enough. It is super, super, super important that we pay great attention to our minds. For our mind controls absolutely everything. A unhealthy mind will make for an unhealthy person. Pay close attention to what you are feeding your mind. - Are you feeding your mind proper food? ( here are some brain foods from WebMD ) - Are you feeding your mind healthy thoughts? What you think actually does effect what you do and who you are. Thinking good, positive thoughts and making a habit of it does have a huge tangible effect on your life. - What sort of media and content are you feeding your mind? Does it stimulate your mind and cause it to grow? Or does the content feed negative, useless thoughts? - Do you exercise? There is a strong ink between exercise and cognitive ability. ( one article ) ...

What is really important? I would suggest the only important "things" in life is people, not "stuff". Stuff does not matter, really.  People are really the only thing that matters. It is easy to get caught up chasing stuff and placing value on stuff. But does all that "stuff" matter? Nope. Invest in people. Value people. People are really what is important. You can have all the "stuff" you want and be empty. One good friendship/relationship with a living, breathing human being provides more value than unlimited "stuff" with no friends or relations. 

Check out Marks site: www.markdking.com

Most managers love self-starters. They do not have to "babysit" self-starters. Managers can spend time on more meaningful work, rather than strictly supervising, with self-starters. If a company is looking to lay employees off, it will typically be the people who are not self-starters who are the first to go. Self-starters are often promoted. Self-starters probably have more fulfillment with work by finding work to do rather than being told what to do all the time. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it to the best of your ability. (paraphrased from Ecclesiastes).

"Why?" Is the best question. People generally don't care "how" or "what" until they know "why". A lot of businesses figure out the "how" or "what" before the "why". And they will generally fail. Answering the "why" gives purpose and vision and is the most important question. Purpose and vision are really the essential ingredients to motivation and longevity and to gaining "buy in" from those whose help you need and those who you lead. This is a critical concept for leaders to learn and use. Show people the why before the how. Once people understand the why, the how and what will work themselves out with relative ease. I think this principal has application for businesses, organizations, parents and even on personal levels. "Why?" is the best question.

This is something I tweeted out a few days ago: Before moving something, understand why it is there. Generally things are in place for a reason, be it good, bad or outdated. If you move something though, you will be interrupting an existing setup or system. Knowing what you're interrupting needs to be understood before moving it. That way you know what the consequences of moving it is.