Boundaries

I am told a lot of the difficulties in raising a child during their "terrible twos" phase is due to the fact of them learning and testing their boundaries. They want to know what is acceptable and what is not. I am no expert in parenting, but what I want is to teach my kids as young as possible is to determine boundaries on their own.

This doesn't mean give them free reign and let them do as they feel. But rather, to provide guidance and framework so they can make wise, educated decisions as they get older. It's unavoidable, teenagers often make a lot of bad decisions, and adults (including myself) still make bad decisions too. But knowing the difference between a bad a good decision is important.

The difference between making a good or bad decision is knowing boundaries and repercussions of the action.

Every action has a consequence and a cost. Wrong actions usually have a bad consequence and right actions generally have a good consequence. Wrong actions usually cost you in some way. Good actions costs you too, but pay well!

What I want to teach my kids is, instead of asking "am I allowed to do this?" to ask themselves "should I do this?".

The "should I do this" question is a summary question of the following considerations (there are probably more that should be added to this list):

- Is this what is best for me right now?
- Is this what is best for my future?
- Is this something that is best for my family and friends?
- Is this a good example to those I have influence on?
- Does this build or destroy?
- Does this build or hurt my character?

If a child only asks "am I allowed to do this?" when they are left on their own to make decisions, they possibly will not know "should I do this?", which is a much better moral compass.

If their boundaries are principle-based, that is a much better guide than rule sets. Principles guide when rules cannot be applied. Rules cannot cover everything and rules are tedious.

Principles are much more fulfilling to follow than rules.

Now to teach this to my children, wish me success :)

ps. I believe many adults still have not learned this will generally continue making bad decisions throughout adulthood.



Comments

  1. Luke! Another great post. You are doing an EXCELLENT job with your daily postings! I enjoy them and appreciate the reflection and opportunity for growth your words of wisdom offer!

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  2. And this is why I respect you. Too too good. I absolutely 100% agree.
    "Principles guide, where rules cannot be applied."
    Rules are plain tedious to keep up with, ask the Old Testament people. *wipes brow*
    As someone who has no children but is surrounded by them I ask the question, "How do I live and act to make them desire to do good and make them desire the God?"

    I have a 4 year old little buddy living upstairs and can have a conversation with him and ask him, "Now, would that be a good idea to do or do you think that will hurt?" And he would think about it and resort not doing because he realizes it would not be a good idea. We talk about it together and ultimately he makes the decision. Blows my mind! And that is self control forming. Kudos to a mom and dad who are instilling principles in his mind.

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  3. A great read on this topic is "Boundaries with kids" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.
    LS

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  4. Great post Bruv! Like your mind!
    I'm going to take note and apply!

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  5. I have thought this same thing many times; not necessarily referring to children, although you're right, if children learn this, it's not an issue as they get older. I have thought it about people living the Christian life. Principles are so much more effective than rules. Principle are in your heart, rules are someone else's ideas imposed on you. Successful Christians are ones who learn principles.
    Great post Luke!
    -Angie

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