My Riffs

It’s New Year’s Eve and for many signals a new beginning tomorrow. The coolest thing about it is any new day is a fresh start. You don’t have to wait 364 days to start fresh. You can have one anytime you want. 

Healing is a process. Not an event. The best supplements for healing is love and patience. 

If we examine what went wrong, we can likely fix it and make things go better going forward. Don't avoid the uncomfortable truth of what went wrong because it can give you much value.

We try to plan the future but the future often comes to us. Yes, I believe in creating the future you want. But in reality you can only shape the future you want because a lot of unexpected things will happen.  Planning the future is important in getting to where you want to be, but learning to adjust mid course is also important in getting to where you want to be.

Downtime is where you recharge for uptime. Downtime can be productive is used wisely. It can be wasted if used wrongly. 

Love does everything. Love does everything you need. It can heal, strengthen, nurture, and on and on. The most powerful force on earth does everything you need it to do. If you use it. 

There are two seasons of life that reveal who you are more than other times. When you’re extremely low and when your extremely high. The habits you form during the other times will be revealed when you hit rock bottom and when you’re on top of the world. 

Be a safe person, someone who makes people feel comfortable. Broken people (and we’re all broken in different ways) need a safe person and a safe space. People don’t truly change unless they’re in a safe and loving place. So be a safe person. You don’t have to tolerate unsafe behaviour but you can provide a safe place for any sincere person. 

Here's the big thing about gratitude, you can't wait until something happens to begin. You have to start practicing gratitude immediately. Otherwise you will always be waiting. You have to start being grateful for what you already have. You'll find that is a better than getting more.

It’s almost certain you’ll never hit something you’re not aiming at. Going through life aimless is a sure way to end up nowhere. If you aim at something good you may miss but you’ll be much closer to that good thing than had you not aimed.

Some see mud and some see stars. Depends on which way you want to look. There’s always dirt below but there’s always stars and the sun above. Look up!

Getting better (in any context) is a series of small steps. Rare is a situation where you instantly get better. Getting better usually requires patience and some form of work or disciple. So in getting better, baby steps are totally great and should be celebrated.

We can choose if we’re going to live in something. We can feel, expedience and go through things. But we can decide if we’re going to live in it. 

 Sometimes you have to encourage yourself. And that okay. It’s a skill and a valuable one at that. Having to always rely on other people for encouragement sometimes leaves us a bit short. We need people, but if we can learn to encourage ourselves we have a big advantage. 

Sometimes the difference between making it or not is simply somebody believing in you. Or you believing in them. The difference belief can make it incalculable.  It can mean not giving up for someone. It can mean starting when they wouldn't have. It can mean making a better decision. It can mean healing, love and forgiveness.  So find someone to believe in. And let them know you believe in them. You never know the difference you may make.

Arguing with someone won’t change their opinion. Very very very rarely.  But you what will? Love. 

This is the true joy of life, the being used for the purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of Nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy!! I am of the opinion my life belongs to the community by, and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it what I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. Life is no brief candle too me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to the future generations. -George Bernard Shaw

One of the easiest ways to get truly lost is to do things for the approval of others. There's obviously a part of life that we all behave in a certain way, within certain norms to be able to participate in society. But when we focus in on getting approval from a certain person or group it can cause problems because we're not longer being ourself. We're suddenly not authentic. And that means we're way off track.

Life is precious. But life itself isn’t the most precious thing we have if we’re not living with purpose. Just life lived isn’t enough. Life with purpose is what makes it invaluable. 

Principles are more valuable than rules. Rules are important in certain places and times, but they change and they can’t cover everything. And for every rule there’s an exception, so there has to be a higher value than rules. And that would be principles. Principles cover when rules cannot. Principles remain when rules go or change. Teaching principles produces much more than setting rules. 

I think one of the coolest things above love is that it's bottomless. Love can be multiplied, it can't be divided.

Why is culture so important? I think one of the best answers is because it shapes our thinking and behaviours. Culture is made up of all the unwritten rules, all the norms, the values and the customs of a tribe. So the culture you're part of is extremely consequential. With enough expose you will inherit those traits of a given culture. This is why people say you will become the sum of your closest friends. Cultures change, but often they change very slowly. If you need to improve yourself, make sure you are surrounded by a culture that support that, or else expect it to fail. Culture trumps vision, so even the best visions will fail without a supporting culture. Culture informs our decisions, behaviours and ultimately our future, so the importance of culture cannot be overstated.

Fun should be part of your life. If you never have fun, your life isn't complete. Take time for fun. The people we gravitate too are often fun people. We aren't generally wanting to be around people who are boring or negative. The cool thing about positive fun people is those traits are contagious. Spread joy, have fun, be optimistic.

There is a correlation between not being grateful for something and losing it. The less we are grateful for something the higher the change we lose it. It's important to place value on the things that truly matter. Being grateful doesn't mean we get to keep everything forever, but it does mean if we appreciate them we invest more time and get more out of those things while they're available.

A sure way to be something we're not is to attempt to be someone else. Yeah we should look to good examples and try follow their example. But when we start trying to be someone we're not, we end up being nothing at all. A mature person finds who they are and doesn't try to become someone else.

Joy is tied to strength. Gratitude is tied to joy. So being grateful makes us more joyful which in turn makes us stronger. Sounds like a really good way to live. 

Why do we tend to forget the good things but hold onto the bad. Yesterday I wrote about forgiving. Forgiving seems to come hand in hand with forgetting too. Sometimes we have to keep forgiving because the wrong keeps coming back to mind. That’s where forgetting comes in. We may not be able to truly forget a wrong but we can exercise self control and not allow it to consume our thoughts. We can push it from our mind and practice forgetting. 

If we never learn to forgive we will stop moving forward. To continue moving forward in life at some point (or points) will require a lesson in forgiveness. 

A bad car accident tonight reminded me how much we take for granted. Taking things for granted is a huge mistake. Gratitude is something that teaches us to not take things for granted though. Practicing gratitude helps us be appreciative of more and more. The antidote for taking things for granted is gratitude. 

Noise doesn't matter, information does. It gets harder to differentiate the two due to the volume of noise now. Filtering out the noise though increases the value of the information.

My children often use the phrase "that's not fair". And you know what? It probably isn't. Life isn't always fair, and that's okay. The times it's unfair probably balance out the times where we didn't get what we deserved. If we get consumed about fairness we will twist ourselves into an unusable pretzel. Obsessing over fairness is a useless tasks and fairness is an elusive target. Do we aim for fairness? Of course, but when we obsess over it we generally make a bigger mess of things.

Looking at external things for your joy is a sure way to rarely have joy. Or to often lose it. The best way to find sustainable joy is to find places inside yourself to find joy. A great way to do this is to practice gratefulness and become a grateful person. Gratitude always precedes happiness and joy. Be a person of great gratitude and you will have deep reserves of internal joy. 

You know those people who you really enjoy being around? It’s safe to say those people are optimistic people. They’re people who make you feel safe to share your thoughts and feelings. They’re people who listen. They lift you up and speak words that build and encourage. We need those people and we each can be one of those people. 

If it’s not kind, loving or uplifting, why say it at all?

We focus so much on what could and will go wrong. But we rarely dare to dream of what can go right. We rarely dare to dream what could be. But somebody has to dream, why not be you?

There are toxic people in the world. You want to make sure you aren't one of them. One of the first clues that will give away a toxic person is they are always talking bad about other people. So watch your language, are you talking bad about people or building them up? That's your first clue if you're toxic or not.

We make thousands of decisions everyday. And these decisions are like a steering wheel that directs us certain ways. So every decision, big or small, has some bearing. The more wise decisions we make, the better our direction.   

Every word we utter can fall into three categories I think. 1. Constructive 2. Idle 3. Destructive The more we speak from the first category, the better we become and the better those around us become. Idle words are rarely benign, they tend to turn destructive quickly. Best to avoid this category altogether. Destructive words make us weaker and harm us and those who we speak of and to.  Speak words that build, they make you stronger. Words that are destructive make you weaker.

If there's one thing to develop it's character. Character is the foundation and frame of everything we build. Weak and little character will result in a small and weak product. Strong and built character will result in a strong product. Skill can be developed, but skills won't take you nearly as far as they will with good character. So prioritize good character. And it's a daily task to improve on character. We get there little by little, day by day. Each little decision can build or harm our character. We get to decide what our character is. Many thing happen to us that we don't decide upon. But character is the one thing we can always decide upon.

We’re told (and rightly so) that suffering is part of life. The best option then is to bear these things with as much optimism and dignity as possible. To face them head on and not run from what we’ve been given to bear. Only then will the suffering become something that can help us to grow. 

I think everyone has areas where they’re kinda broken. We often look at others and judge the areas we see then as broken in. But we rarely look at ourselves and the areas were broken in. If we realize we’re broken too, we would be much more merciful on others.

What you sow will eventually grow. You will reap what you’ve sowed. What you’ve sowed will come back to you. Good seed returns good. 

The years 2020 and 2021 have been full of life lessons. It’s been a great growth and learning potential for those who have chosen to be wise with the circumstances.  One great lesson to be learned was the importance of a healthy home. The home hasn’t been this important in a long, long time. If you have a healthy home you can endure a sick world. If you have an unhealthy home in a sick world is makes the world all the less bearable. The need for a healthy has never been greater and the reward of a healthy home hasn’t been greater in this generation. 

Love very often looks closely like giving. Love can look like a lot of different things because love takes on different forms for different situations. But it almost always looks like giving. Giving our time, giving our ear, giving our talent or skill. Love isn’t passive, it requires action. And the action is almost always a form of giving. 

Bitterness grows quite easily, with very little time and attention. With lots of time and attention it grows fast. Bitterness is the thing that grows and chokes the life out of the individual who harbours it. Bitterness can only be dealt with one way, that is, to completely starve it. Uproot it if possible. If not, starve it. Don’t give it an ounce of time and energy. It doesn’t take much for it to grow, so don’t give it anything. 

How do you get better? Not generally by giant leaps. It’s generally in increments, bite sized increments. Don’t look at your most recent set back or mistake, check your trend. Are you trending in the right direction? That’s the most important thing. What are you walking toward, what’s your orientation? If you’re heading towards what’s right, trending in that direction and making incremental steps that way, you’ll end up there. 

Everything can be turned into a victory. Maybe not a pretty one, maybe not a desirable one. But every bad thing can carry a lesson and a victory. Were only defeated when we give up and refuse to change or learn. A bad thing can give birth to a good thing.

I think the best advice there is about critics is to ignore them. It's usually those on the sidelines who criticize. If it's not those on the sidelines, it's those who misunderstand. The best thing you can do to a critic is be kind and love them :) 

The more afraid we get the poorer we think. Fear is more often than not a lie. When we entertain it we start a self propelled downward spiral of cognitive decline. It’s best to cut off fear at the pass. If it’s always proved to be a lie, it will always continue to be a lie.

What I need is much different from what advertisers tell me I need. The message of advertisers is that I'm missing out and need more. The reality is, my needs are much more simple. It's easy to get confused between what I want and what I need.

Words build and destroy. And the things we say negative or positive have a dramatic effect on us. Our thought life is of utmost importance. And the way our thoughts start to have real world implications is when we speak. So our words can build if we use the right ones. Our words can point out the positive and make people and the world a better place. It takes nothing to point out flaws and weaknesses. It takes a good person to point out the good and how to make things even better.

How much you care will show on how much you give. That is, give of your heart, time, talents and resources. 

Some of the greatest learning comes with exploration. There’s not as much to learn in the known. But jump into the unknown to explore and learn.

Sometimes we reach difficulties cause we’ve done the wrong thing. Sometime we reach difficulties cause we’ve done the right thing. Reaching a difficulty on its own doesn’t prove you right or wrong. What you do what that difficulty will though. Difficulties will force us to get better or to quit. To mature or to lose maturity. To forge ahead or to quit. Face the difficulties you reach and grapple with it in the best way you can. The outcome will depend on how you grapple with it. 

Many things online you can edit after you've sent them. Life doesn't come with edit options very often. What it does come with it owning mistakes and saying sorry. That's probably better than just editing something like you never made a mistake, but owning the mistake is much more effective. Owning it allows us to grow.

To influence those in your circle you must love them. A dictator can force influence but a true leader can influence and bring out the best in people. 

What you see differs based on your perspective. Looking down at something is much different than looking up at it. Looking at it from far is much different from looking at it close.  We often seem to think our perspective is the only one, but it isn’t. Try looking at the same thing from different perspectives. You’ll learn a lot. 

It’s easy to love when things go our way, when they behave how we want. Love is tested when things don’t go our way. It’s tested when they don’t behave how we wish. It’s tested when things aren’t going so good. You then learn how much love you have. 

The saying says it ain’t over till it’s over.  Maybe we write things off too quickly. When is something over? And if it’s over maybe it’s just a new beginning. We get to start over all the time. We don’t have to bring our past with us.  So in one regard we don’t have to write things off so fast. On the other hand we don’t have to carry the past forward with us.  It’s over when it needs to be over. It’s not over until it’s time for a new beginning. 

Yes, it's a song, but it's more than a song. What more powerful force is there in the world than love? We often choose to fight, to divide and to tear down when love would do a much better job.

Without bridges we become isolated. So bridge building is a good thing. Bridges should be built for many different reasons. But a bridge should never be built to a place you have no business going. Build lots of bridges but let them be for reasons of making you or someone else better. 

Rejection is something most people fear. Strive to be somehow who will make others feel welcome and comfortable. Be someone who people feel safe around. 

I read a quote from James Clear today that basically said you don't have to tear down every bad idea you come across. Sometimes it's best to just let bad ideas die. The best way to fight a bad idea is a better idea.

Happy thoughts make for a happy person. There's no person whose ever been happy without happy thoughts. If you can't seem to find happy thoughts, you have to check your environment and circle. Are you surrounded by people whose dispositions are happy?

Social media is largely responsible for so many people looking for conflict. So many seemingly wanting to look for a fight. But the people who make peace are the ones who will be blessed. Search for peace and you will have a better life. Those who constantly live at strife will live shorter more miserable existences.

The most precious moments in life are not repeatable. But the most sustaining way of building and keeping is sustainability. If something isn’t sustainable, it obviously won’t last. Make things repeatable in order to be sustainable. 

Anything worth having takes work. To shy away from work means to shy away from anything worth having.  

You can justify pretty much anything and everything. I've heard and seen some crazy things be "justified". Coming up with some semi-rationale way of excusing something doesn't make it right. When mental gymnastics are required to make something okay, it's probably not. Be careful what you start justifying, it will become allowed and then the norm and you will end up thinking it's okay.

One of the best ways to love someone is to show them and teach them how to do something. Yeah, we should do selfless things for others, that's important and necessary. But real love will show and teach someone how to do things for themselves. And in turn, they will do the same to others.

We all want immunity. Immunity against anything negative and bad. Unfortunately immunity doesn't come free. Immunity requires some form of immunization or exposure. You have to put yourself out there to get hurt in order to gain something. Completely protecting yourself means you won't even gain strength or immunity. You have to go through something adverse to get better. That's the way to look at going through tough things.

What energizes you? Spend more time doing those activities rather than draining ones. 

Truth always prevails, it just may not always happen quickly. Never abandon the truth, no matter how slow it may seem to go to get out. 

How many things do we expect but haven't actually asked for? It's a simple formula, ask and you will receive. You're not gonna receive without asking.

Experience should teach.  If you keep encountering the same issues over and over again, chances are you have missed a lesson. Experience should make things more easy to navigate. If things are getting more difficult and you're spinning your tires or circling the same problems over and over, you need to find the lesson.

You can define how you want to be treated in how you treat others. 

Be true, live out your beliefs. Be honest, live out what you say. Doing these things will make your world a better place.

You will have a legacy. It will be formed by your habits. Practice good habits and it will be a legacy to be continued. 

How much do we chase out of vanity? How much do we put into getting ahead out of vain reasons? Why are some of the happiest people sometimes some of the poorest financially?

You’ll accomplish a whole lot more by making peace than going to war. 

 The more we focus on goodness and gratitude the better quality life we will have. This is thanksgiving weekend in Canada and a good reminder to focus on goodness and gratitude. 

Strength doesn’t always look muscular :)  It doesn’t always look tough. Sometimes strength looks like asking for help or admitting a fault or weakness. Sometimes strength looks like sheathing your sword.  Sometimes using force is weakness.  Strength is often quiet, gentle and kind. 

What’s important is often dictated by what’s the loudest. But the loudest thing is rarely the most important. You’ll find out what’s most important when you’re truly facing the finite. 

What also says a lot is how you treat someone who is above you in status and someone who is below you. 

What says a lot about someone is how they handle being on top of the mountain and how they handle being in the valley. 

Why are we so scared of weakness? We’re scared of weakness and vulnerability. But we’re human and those thing are part of the range of human experience. You have to experience some weakness to appreciate some strength. You have to be vulnerable to grow. You have to experience the full range of human experience in order to appreciate it. Weakness is a place to learn. 

Life is comprised of many different cycles. And we all get caught in them. Some are egos and some aren’t. It’s hard to break out of the bad cycles though. The best way to break from a bad cycle is to surround yourself with people who won’t allow you to go into that cycle. Or start small daily habits that won’t allow you to repeat bad cycles. Sometimes we make lofty goals and can’t attain them and get disappointed. With smaller goals they should always be manageable. 

I’ve come to realize after some life experience everyone is broken to a degree. We’re all not so different. Different people handle being broken differently but they’re still broke. It doesn’t mean you can’t be healed but it does mean to be patient with other people. They’re likely broken and trying to heal from something. Just like you. 

Humble pie doesn’t taste good, but it’s healthy. Eating humble pie can be a sign of growth. Growing in the way of admitting when we’re wrong. Of admitting we’ve changed or learned something new.  Eating humble pie really isn’t a horrible thing. It means we’ve leaned from a life experience and are willing to own it.  The real problem is when we are unwilling to admit we made a mistake. That’s a dish must worse for us than humble pie. 

Efficiency is something exclusive to masters. When you master something you become efficient in it. Becoming efficient requires many, many repetitions though. Many give up before they become efficient because it requires too many reps. If you want to master something, make sure you really want to. Make sure you're passionate about it, or else you won't get through the steps to become efficient and a master at it.

It's an old but true statement, united we stand but divided we fall. The statement is as true today as it ever was. We've seen an increasingly polarized society over the last years. This polarizing has just accelerated at an almost inconceivable speed the last year. Divisions over so many issues, it's fragmenting society. But we're missing the big picture. Humanity should be uniting right now and rallying around common things. It's a lie that the things that divide are bigger than the things that unite. You can be friends with someone with a different status, colour, political opinion or medical decision. You can unite with individuals who make different choices from you. You unite around all humanity struggling right now. Everybody is in battles and fighting in their own way. We should be able to unite around the struggle. Around us all being human.  Don't buy into the division narrative. Don't buy into the hopelessness. By doing so, you perpetuate the lie ...

What can be counted on? There's very few things (as we've so learned the last 1.5 years) that we can count on. The life lesson is to learn to ride the things in life we can't change. The more we buck up against the things we can't change the harder we make it on ourselves. Don't count on things that shouldn't be counted on. Life is fluid, but there are things to count on. There are principles and truths to count on. There are often small groups of friends we can count on.

The more we look down the less we see what’s up. What’s down only takes us down. What’s above pulls us up. Looking around is closer to looking down that up. To fly you have to go above it all. When above it all it looks a lot smaller. 

Chasing the wrong things so often leads to sadness and disappointment. Life has these elements in it no matter what you are chasing. However, when you derive meaning from the wrong things it makes for a very shallow and futile existence. I can't list all the wrong things, but I can list a few things I know are right. The right things include relationships, giving, hope and love.

You won't get what you're not aiming for. You may not always get exactly what you aim for, but you will never get something you don't aim for.

The best thing you can offer is of yourself. Of your time, talents and skills. What people need most is what can be given through relationship. 

Tearing down, tearing apart or pointing out flaws is cheap.  Unifying, repairing and pointing out the good is valuable. We can all provide value, but being cheap is the low easy road that too many choose. 

We take guidance from those who went before and give guidance to those who are coming behind. Guidance is a continuous relay race from generation to generation. Ideally we should build off the guidance given and give even better guidance. Guidance should naturally improve. If not, we're letting those coming behind us, down.

Principles are more important that rules. You can’t make a rule to cover every situation. And every rule has an exception. However, principals are north stars. They will guide you to where you need to go. Don’t compromise a principal, it will cost you far too much. 

Your network is your net worth.  But if you enter a network to only receive you will make the network poorer. Enter the network to enrich it. The network is only as strong as the weakest link. Of everybody contributes the network is optimized. 

There's hope for tomorrow because truth does prevail.

You can be as happy as you wanna be. It all depends on how much you want to give away to things that don’t matter. 

We live in divisive times. Division causes weakness. The saying is "divided we fall". So when we give into division, we and making way for failure. Some may want to see division so they can conquer. But those wouldn't be ones with good intentions. Unity is difficult to break. United we can stand. Love is the answer to unifying.

Including people is the best way of handling them. Ostracizing people doesn't do much good. Abraham Lincoln brought on opposition into his cabinet when he won Presidency, which is a very wise decision. So if at all possible include those people, it will help much more than ostracizing.

Pain is a tool to teach you something needs to change. Pain is a tool to teach you wisdom.

I've found the best tactic to fight someone is to love them :) That's the only tactic where both sides can win.

It takes 1000 no's to make a profound, meaningful yes.

Endurance is an underrated skill. In life and in business. This doesn't mean you can just indefinitely live just barely getting by, but it means that those that ensure will make it. Not giving up, not giving in is a skill that will give you a competitive advantage.